I cry at work — and you should too
The science behind crying
On thesurface, thesciencebehind crying is pretty simple. We cry when we feel happy or sad. Tears are triggered by arangeof feelings.
In fact,this Time piecewhich quotes Ad Vingerhoets, aprofessorat Tilburg University in theNetherlands, explains it well:
“Crying is more than asymptomof sadness. It’s triggered by arangeof feelings — from empathy and surprise to anger and grief — and unlike thosebutterfliesthat flap around invisibly when we’re in love, tears are a signal that others can see. That insight is central to the newest thinking about thescienceof crying.”
Scientists and thinkers have been fascinated by crying for centuries.
“The Old Testament describes tears as the by-product of when the heart’s material weakens and turns into water. Later, in Hippocrates’ time, it was thought that themindwas the trigger for tears. A prevailing theory in the 1600s held that emotions — especially love — heated theheart, which generatedwater vaporinorderto cool itself down. The heart vapor would then rise to the head, condense near theeyesand escape as tears,” Vingerhoets told Time.
In 1662, Danish scientist Niels Stensen discovered that tears originated in the lacrimal gland. It was at this point thatscientistsstarted to look at what possible evolutionary benefit could be conferred by water pouring out of oureyes.
Since then, many morescientistshave come forward with their own theories. In 1985, biochemist William Frey said that crying was a way of removing toxic substances from ourbloodduring times ofstress.
Other more plausible theories look at how tears can trigger bonding and connections betweenhumans. Using crying to bond on a primal level makes sense to me, but it seems to have an adverse effect in our modern working environment.
Why it feels good
I’ve always felt ashamed of crying in public and I really don’t know why, probably because of how I expect the people around me will react.
However, it feels so nonsensical as I’ve got absolutely no issues with laughing hysterically or even crying with laughter around coworkers — so why do I feel ashamed about shedding a few tears when I feel the need to?
Some people will tell you that crying atworkis unprofessional — heck, it’s evenmorefrowned upon if you’re a woman — but let me tell you something: we’re all human and although some of us do it more often than others, we all cry — or are at least capable of doing so.
I didn’t choose to cry that day, it simply happened, and I felt better for it afterward — but I did feel like I had to apologize about somehow making otherpeoplefeel uncomfortable.
Science tells us crying can makes us feel better. Crying for long periods of timereleases oxytocin and endogenous opioids, otherwise known asendorphins.
So, if crying ismodestly cathartic— and someexpertsbelieve it triggers the same positive reaction you get after exercising — why should we stop ourselves from doing it atwork?
Well, some anthropologists say it violates the so-called “display rules,” which is another fancy way of saying cultural norms for socialization.
According to a survey cited by Huffpost,41% of women have cried at workat some point in theircareers, compared to just 9% of men surveyed.
Sheryl Sandberg, Facebook’s chief operating officer, has also admitted to shedding tears atwork. In aninterviewwithIndia’s Mint newspaper,she said, “I don’t really believe that we are one type of person, Monday through Friday, 9-to-5, and then a different type of person in the nights and weekends. I think we are, all of us, emotional beings and it’s okay for us to share that emotion atwork.”
I think it’s safe to say that, overall, we need to feel much more comfortable with expressing our emotions — and having someone as accomplished as Sandberg admitting to crying on the job is a positive step towards that.
TheCOVID-19 pandemicmay mean most us of will beworking from homefor the foreseeablefutureand while we’re ofcourseable to cry freely in theprivacyof ourhomes, I just hope we enjoy the same freedom to do so if and when we return to theoffice.
So my partingadviceto you is this: If you need to cry, cry. Crying is not a reflection of who you are atworkbut merely an expression of your feelings at one given moment in time.
